Victor's Laboratory

Review: Airman, by Eion Colfer

matt@likelystories.com — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 16:21:44 GMT

Rating: 4 Stars

I've recently enjoyed reading several books by oddball YA author Eion Colfer, creator of the Artemis Fowl series. While the adventures of the young criminal mastermind named after a goddess and a chicken have garnered a lot of press, his novel Airman has not. This is too bad, as it is a genuinely engaging, funny, and heart-ripping story. Chronicling the adventures of one Conor Broekhart, the fictitious first teenager to achieve powered flight from the fictitious Saltee Islands, it is a swashbuckling and frequently painful adventure.

Set in the Victorian era, with a cameo by Queen Vicky herself, the story is basically a steampunk Count of Monte Cristo. It is a story of betrayal, imprisonment, science, swordplay, and the eventual triumph of good over evil. However, said evil is so nasty and cunning and potent that victory is by no means assured. The most famous element of Dumas' Count, that of revenge, is by no means absent from this story. However, Conor never quite gives in to its abominable embrace, and is instead rescued by his obsessive pursuit of flight.

Something I really like about this book is that the aeronautic aspect of the novel is handled very realistically. For Conor to fly, he has to figure out how to fly, and when no one has ever done this before, it's damned hard. The longer the wings, the heavier the wings, engines are even heavier, propellers have never been curved before, etc. Aluminum plays what seems to me an unlikely role at the end, but even so, my hat is off to Colfer. Steampunk science has never felt more challenging, or more rewarding.

I do have a few quibbles about the book, and particular its ending, which seemed a bit too pat given the traumas the hero(es) have endured. If I were in Conor's place, I wouldn't be off to school, but half ready for the madhouse instead. That having been said, though, the overall book is terrific and satisfying. Go read it, so say I.

Review: Amulet, by Kazu Kibuishi

matt@likelystories.com — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:45:37 GMT

Rating: 5 stars

I read the first volume of this graphic novel series-- 2 books out so far-- this morning. It is an easy and quick read, but this does not mean that it is not wonderfully and deeply affective. The opening sequence, detailing a family tragedy that will echo throughout the rest of the volume, is incredibly human and sets the tone of the graphic novel so perfectly. It is so sad, and yet this does not stop the rest of the story from being full of humor and adventure. It's just that everything that happens from that moment on is tinged with a basic and terrible fear that all children have. The story also manages to deal with loss quite well, and realistically, and is note-perfect from the very beginning.

This is clearly a kids' story, but I really admire Kibuishi for not pulling any punches on the horror aspects of this comic. The scary monsters that populate the story are really really scary. Weirder, and more visually frightening than Lovecraft's creations. That having been said, I also suspect that they are the kind of creatures that kids want to read about. The artwork is really fascinating, the characters are memorable and well-written, and the plot is a terrifically involving little fantasy. I really can't recommend this book enough.

Wild Kingdom

matt@likelystories.com — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:14:53 GMT

Well, to give the whole story, I'm sick. Sore throat, want to sleep, that kinda thing. I went by campus health today, and was lucky enough to get an appointment right away. I have a virus, there's not treatment except for treating the symptoms. If I rest, it will go away. No big deal.

Walking back from the student health center, though, I saw a blur of brown and white moving past my head. A large hawk, probably a red-tailed hawk, was flying low through the campus. She perched on a branch, maybe twenty feet in the air, and I stopped to watch her. She stared back, infinitely wild, watching me with the interest of a survivor. Worried that I would disturb her, I started to move on.

Another flash of brown-- she flew directly over my head, flying flat and fast into the trees. I lost sight of her for a second; the next moment, I saw something fall out of the tree the hawk had been flying at. The hawk dove with the squirrel, keeping pace with its falling body perfectly, finally landing strangely gently on top of the little tree-dweller.

I looked around. No one else had even noticed the bird-- easily the size of a man's head-- flying so close by, much less witnessed this bloody everyday miracle. The hawk sat there for what seemed like a long time, presumably squeezing the squirrel, making sure that it couldn't hurt her when it thrashed. After a few minutes, she started to eat.

Dirk Dada Vs. Dr. McNinja!

matt@likelystories.com — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 18:46:33 GMT

So, Dirk's been nominated for "Best Protagonist" in frumph.net's "WebComic Readers Choice Awards." Unfortunately, Dirk isn't getting a whole lot of love yet. And no wonder! The wily Dr. McNinja is in the running. Or dominating the contest, with XKCD in second.

Now, make no mistake, I luvs Doctor McNinja, in all of its bizarro glory. Still, I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't try to get everyone to register for free at Frumph, and then vote for Dirk Dada.

Plus, you know, ninjas are kinda foreign and stuff. Might be terrorists, who can tell? I'm just saying.

*This message paid for by Prevaricators for Dirk Dada, Best Protagonist and Presumed Emperor of the Whimsies.*

We survived the SPX

matt@likelystories.com — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 01:32:05 GMT

We made it to Bethesda and Baltimore this weekend, for SPX and the Nerdlinger Awards respectively. It was a good trip, we got ourselves one of those coveted custom-labeled beer bottles that are the Nerdlinger trophies, and had a terrific weekend of meeting people and selling stuff. Just in terms of sales, it was one of our best shows ever. There were a lot of worries about the economy collapsing and killing all our sales, but it didn't happen. Evidently, most folks had a good show.

There were also occasional social activities, but I spent a good portion of the weekend doing homework. Because I am lame.

Lame or not, I got to see some great folks. David Malki, Jane Irwin, Leah Riley and Will Woods, John Bintz, Carla Speed McNeil, Tim Daniels and JJ Kahrs, to name a few.

Also, at Carla's suggestion, I ate breakfast every morning at Stella's Bakery, a place of astounding fruity deliciousness. The pear tarts are heaven, and the Greek couple that owns it are that rare combination of curmudgeonly and sweet that I find so appealing.

Good weekend. Too much driving. I kinda want to sleep for a couple weeks.

Spider Attack!

matt@likelystories.com — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 01:46:12 GMT

So, I got into my car this morning. Took off my glasses, trading them for my prescription sunglasses-- and felt the weird, distinctive friction of a spider web breaking on my cheek. Dangling from the temple of my glasses for the briefest second was a tiny, baby spider.

It was cold this morning. Baby spiders live on heat.

THAT SPIDER WAS EATING MY HEAT!!!

To Bethesda and Beyond! Beyond Not Included.

matt@likelystories.com — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 23:58:53 GMT

We'll be at the Small Press eXpo this weekend, being jolly good peoples and displaying our wears. We are also up for a Nerdlinger Award, which is kinda awesome. May the best nerds win!

New week. Good morning.

matt@likelystories.com — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:57:57 GMT

I finished my paper last night. The paper I spent all weekend on, and then some. It was, to put a name to it, REALLY FREAKING HARD! The thinking and writing was not so bad, but researching 23 items individually and then justifying their place in the New York Historical Society's library collection? Well, let me just say that there are a lot of books that seem pretty good that no one has an opinion about. But it's done, and I think it turned out pretty well.

This morning, I spent an hour in bed after I woke up, reading The Best American Comics, 2006. It does, in fact, contain some very good comics. And some mediocre ones. Seriously, there were plenty that any given page of Usagi Yojimbo beats without even any question or effort. The political comics, while I tend to agree with their liberal sensibilities, were the most egregious. Bad art combined with a lecture on oversimplified international politics DO NOT SOMEHOW MAKE EACH OTHER BETTER! That said, I did learn a few things that, if accurate, were pretty dang interesting. Plus, I have to admit: the World Bank can be a real male generative organ.

The good comics were real good, though. R. Crumb, Lynda Barry, Joel Priddy (who I'd never heard of before, but whose "The Amazing Life of Onion Jack" is awesome), Jesse Reklaw, and Tom Hart all shine.

No Place To Build A Web

matt@likelystories.com — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:08:09 GMT

A beautiful, huge yellow-and-black spider surprised me on the way out the door this afternoon. Apparently, sometime during the day, she decided that the doorway was the perfect place to construct a classic orb web. At around knee level. So, as pretty as it and she was, I was halfway through the web before I saw it, and she was running for the wall. Which was practical.

After this major upheaval in her day, she decided to rest motionless on the doorjam, about six inches from the deadbolt. I knew she was harmless. Even so, she was positioned so I could see her quarter-inch fangs very clearly, so I was nervous about locking the door. It took me a few seconds, and a couple false starts-- very manly, I know-- but I put my hand next to her and locked the door. And hit her with a free-swinging key, which seemed rude. She wasn't hurt, though, and dealt with the whole ordeal with dignity and grace.

She was really awesome to look at, so I pulled out my phone and tried to take a picture. I never take pictures, but this seemed worth the effort. So I tried, and failed. My camera memory was full. Somehow, I took 200 pictures without knowing it. From the look of them, they are mostly of the inside of my pocket. So I learned how to delete pictures, and snapped one of her. Didn't do her justice.

On my way to "work"-- I was headed to a coffee shop to do some reading and writing for school-- a was followed a good ways by an older gentleman in a Cadillac, his head just barely peering over the steering wheel. I swear to God it was Cotton Hill! I didn't mess with him. I don't want to get head-butted in the groin.

WebComic Readers Choice Awards!

matt@likelystories.com — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 18:26:08 GMT

I thought I should mention: The Dada Detective has been nominated for a WebComic Readers Choice Award, Best Protagonist.

Voting starts October 1st. I have to admit, Dirk is very good at protagonizing.

Other pals of mine who are nominated: John Bintz's A Brief Moment of Clarity and J Gray's Second Shift. Congratulations fellers!

John McCain Hates Me

matt@likelystories.com — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 02:07:28 GMT

Okay, so the quote is actually referring to Dungeons and Dragons, a game I haven't played in many years. And is from Michael Goldfarb. Who is evidently not big on being coherent, which is something he has in common with this year's version of John McCain.

Regardless, I feel like John McCain hates me. The thought makes me warm inside.

Happenings

matt@likelystories.com — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:31:00 GMT

So... my girlfriend, livingluster, and I have been dating for a year as of Monday. Monday day was devoted to grad school-related things. You know, getting oriented and stuff. I met my new boss, Dr. Phillip Edwards, and we discussed the project I'll be working on with/for him. He seems really great, smart and kind and funny, but also interested in professional things. I think we're going to work really well together.

It was a long day, a lot of sitting in classrooms and listening to people tell me Important Things. They did feed me, though, and whilst I got all blurry-minded late in the afternoon, I got some valuable information out of the experience. My mentor-- a second year student named Nathaniel-- was a big help. And at the end of it, there was cake.

Afterwards, though, was the nice part. I drove to Cassie's place, and she was looking all radiant when I got there. Well, I got there early, so she was in the shower. But soon after, she was looking radiant. She had some presents for me-- a book of Jim Henson related quotes, Murakami's Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, and... a mysterious box. I opened the latter with trepidation.

Inside, was a smaller box, of the jewelry variety. I don't really wear jewelry, so I was a bit stunned and intensely curious. She was obviously excited about the gift. So I opened the box to discover... cufflinks. Steampunk cufflinks, to be precise, intricate working gearwork affixed with tiny rubies. She had commissioned them online, but the online store had let her down. Then she asked cleahpatra for a rescue, just three days before our anniversary. Leah delivered, and the results are beautiful. Enviable, even. Thanks so much, to the both of you, for this wonderful gift. Now I'll have to buy some shirts with cuffs that need links.

Dinner was a marvel. We went to Another Thyme in Durham, and the food was amazing. Even my favorite picky vegetarian found a two-sauce ravioli that was to die for. My fried chicken, while definitely aristocratted up, was similarly delicious. The dessert was a blueberry and peach shortcake, with fresh fruits. It was served in a fruit-ginger sauce. When we ate it, angels wept. It was a good night to be in love.

EDIT: A link to the cufflinks is provided in the comments.

Evil Doll Dream

matt@likelystories.com — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 10:41:57 GMT

You ever get the feeling that a dream must be the sequel to a previous dream? I think that must've been true here, because I was used to the fact that there was an evil ragdoll out to get me. It came as no surprise. My mom, however, was kind of amazed by the fact.

How the doll tried to get me was downright hilarious. It tried to embarrass me by leaving out medical products in my room-- pills to stop hair loss, a rectal thermometer-- so people would think they were mine. My mother thought my brother was doing it, but I knew otherwise. I announced that I knew exactly who was doing this, and turned on the bathroom light as something fast, tiny, and blonde zipped past my ankles and cowered under my mother's bed. Sure enough, it was the evil ragdoll. To give the dream-version of my mom credit, she was pretty dang surprised by this.

Caught, the ragdoll made itself look all scary, with jagged teeth and a scary little girl voice. I pointed out that she was made of cotton, though, and it didn't really matter how pointy her teeth looked. Then I calmly started ripping the doll apart. Which, awake, hardly seems to suit the crime, but in my defense she was totally going to try to kill me in my sleep.

I totally want to do a comic about this.

Talking 'Bout Last Night

matt@likelystories.com — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 15:02:28 GMT

I went to Greensboro last night, for the purpose of pretending to be a Mexican woman who was sired by the Greek deity Hermes. With friends. Yes, I do role-play. It was a good adventure, though our decision to deal with the villains intelligently meant that they didn't stand much of a chance. I got to see my friends, though, one of whom hadn't been at the game in over a year. So it was a good evening.

On the way home, I saw a truck parked in the breakdown lane of an entrance ramp. Its lights were on, and as I passed, I saw the owner kind of half-heartedly trying to flag someone down. It was 3am, I was not at my best, but I found myself saying 'crap!' under my breath a lot. The dude had taken me by surprise, but he was obviously exhausted and needed help. No one would park in such a dangerous place voluntarily. I turned around at the next exit, and retraced my route. The truck was still there.

I stopped my car, turned on my blinkers, and picked up my maglight. It never hurts to have a blunt instrument. "How you doing?" I asked. He seemed only faintly interested in my arrival. "Fine," he replied, "Justing sitting up here bitching." He proceeded to explain that he had been there for 45 minutes, and I was the first person who had stopped. Two cops had driven by without stopping. "Wow," I said, "that's really harsh. Would you like to borrow my cell phone?" He demurred, said he was good. "Uh... okay." I decided to try again. "Well, can I give you a ride somewhere?" He said he had a good ride, he'd just gotten it out of the shop. He was just seeing if people would stop to help him. My arrival had done nothing to shake his basic opinion of humanity.

Gads. I drove off, obviously. I couldn't think of a clever rejoinder at 3:15am. Now that I've had time to think, though, my observation is closely related. ANGRY DUDE! PEOPLE ARE NOT AT THEIR BEST AT 3 IN THE MORNING! TEST THEM WHEN THEY ARE AWAKE AND LESS AFRAID OF BEING KILLED ON A BRIDGE! This is my advice, and I think it will stand the test of time.

I went home, went to sleep, dreamed. Woke up dreaming that a bus driven by a Jewish gay Dutch costumer I know hit a deformed midget. The driver didn't notice the little man, and I had to stand up and scream at him until he stopped driving. The midget was unhurt, and seemed pissed at and suspicious of my motives for trying to help him. Tired and disgusted, I left. And by left, I mean woke up.

Comic-Con 2008

matt@likelystories.com — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 22:12:11 GMT

No time to talk. I'm packing for Comic-Con! See you in San Diego, at table K4 in the Small Press Pavilion.

Wasp Surprise

matt@likelystories.com — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 12:34:45 GMT

I had a bit of a weird experience yesterday at lunch. I was talking to a stranger and looking at the coffee shop's communal newspaper. While not even thinking, I tried to scratch my arm. Instead, I grabbed a wasp off of my arm and crushed it before I was even aware of the potentially dangerous insect. It didn't have time to sting me.

Dave always calls stuff like this my Jedi mind tricks. It's my weird kung fu background. It's always neat when it kicks in, and my body responds to a problem my mind has not even identified.

Heroes Con 2008

matt@likelystories.com — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:42:25 GMT

Whew. Well, I hardly feel ready for another trip, but I'll be in Charlotte, NC this weekend. Tell your friends, tell your mothers! Heroes Con is here! We'll be in Indy Island, sharing a table with the inestimable Brooke Spalding and Ursula Vernon.

We do have Vol. 2 for sale-- we sold about halfway through the initial printing* at MoCCA, and we'll be bringing the remainder to Heroes.

Also: did everyone see The Onion's review of Ursula's new children's book, Nurk? Somebody in the world of fake news likes her.

MoCCA, MoCCA, MoCCA! (2008)

matt@likelystories.com — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:05:17 GMT

So. Going to MoCCA this weekend. Got a new book you all should read.

Who all's gonna be there?

MoCCA-- Looking for a place to stay?

matt@likelystories.com — Mon, 26 May 2008 19:40:25 GMT

Hey all. We had a friend decide that he is not going to be sleeping on our hotel suite's couch at MoCCA. Anyone interested in taking that slot?

The Museum of Cartoon and Comic Arts Festival is in New York City. Our reservations are for June 6 and 7; we're flying home on Sunday. The price is 1/3 of $299 a night (negotiable), and it is for a suite, complete with kitchen and living room area. We had this same room last year. The couch is quite spacious, and unfolds in a fouton-like fashion. According to our friend, it was comfy.

Let me know if you're interested.

Radioed!

matt@likelystories.com — Thu, 08 May 2008 18:57:33 GMT

A lovely interview with m_monique, ursulav, and mckenzee on the North Carolina Public Radio show "The State of Things."

Thanks guys. You did awesome.

Unlikely Titles

matt@likelystories.com — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:30:41 GMT

I like to think of this serial title as being from the people who brought you Meat Goat Monthly.

Which it isn't.

But who can resist the charms of the International Pigletter. I mean, really?

Fact: There Is Hope

matt@likelystories.com — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:40:37 GMT

What, you ask, could be important enough to draw me out of hiding? What evil, what grotesque wrong am I now addressing?

There's a chance to embarrass the 21st century's worst film-maker. A chance which is awesome.

The dreaded dark lord of bad film, Dr. Uwe Boll, has said that if a million people told him to stop making movies then he'd listen. Not surprisingly, the internet has responded.

At this point, there are over 200,000 signatures on this petition. You know what you have to do, my viral minions. Let's play fair, though, and only vote once each. And then tell everyone we know about it.

And then he'll explain why it's not valid, and talk about conspiracies on YouTube. But in his heart, he'll know.

Hexapod Haikus

matt@likelystories.com — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 21:01:48 GMT

You never know what you'll get involved in...

I was one of the judges of NCSU's Entomology Department's "Hexapod Haiku" contest. This week, we got together for 2 and a half hours and compared notes on over 70 haikus submitted from all over this great nation.

The winners are here, and are all deserving of congratulations.

Let me share the Grand Prize winner here, though. All three judges had written it down as our #1 choice before ever meeting. We all had choices in common, but that was pretty amazing. Here's the poem, by Joel Caren of Raleigh, NC:

Two million flowers
The Ten-thousand-mile harvest
Sweetens my pancake.

Damn!

Justice be done!

matt@likelystories.com — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 19:38:40 GMT

What The Hell Con has came and went. It was an intimate and might good con.

Best of all, the Guild of Justice-Minded Citizenry (aka the Steampunk Justice League) was on the scene!

(Thanks be to cryptonaut for the photos)

Speaking as the Oneironaut (the Guild's gas masked Sandman analogue), we was lookin' spiffy!

Strange Attractors

matt@likelystories.com — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 19:55:22 GMT

What The Hell Con is this weekend. It is, of course, the Best Con Ever. We will be there, there will be books.

Last year, my participation in the Geek Auction resulted in a request for a "mushy mad science love poem." You ask for it, evilchick, you got it.

Strange Attractors

First off, it's not chemistry. Chemistry?
With its easy rules of nuclei and
Molecules? Love is fractal mystery,
More charmed than any quark. Much stronger than
Covalent bonds is bright Eros' mark.
Sing to me, oh Muse, of that ole fella
Heisenberg. He watched at that window dark
In the cold rain, clutching his umbrella.
Principles uncertain, he watches no
One thing. Sparks fly, and strange folk take their measure
In grams and joules. The instruments fail so
Often. Tears fall, alchemical treasures.

This maddest science we pursue like fools,
'Til, distilled from light, come the heart's red jewels.